alright so update long one

we legally own the campground and are fixing it up really awesomely, me and steven are almost at a year, lifes changing, want to go to airforce, cat had the most adorable kittens, got in touch with josh :] and met his daddy

alright, so i'm sooo confused

i no longer love my first love but i love the one i've been with for so long

yet even with all of the hatred, i cant get the first one out of my head

i love change yet i cant stand it

i love the change in the enviroment and atmospere yet if somebody changes personality wise it pisses me off

i miss him but i cant stand him i guess i just miss us and strangely i know i'm lucky and would miss what i have if it were gone but knowing that doesnt help at all

i cant call him my dove like i did with the other one

i can call him my love

but not the one person i know i was meant to be with

its this weird feeling

its between what i believe is meant to be or happiness

and i'm happy with a great life and happiness

yet there's still that something missing

i dont know or understand how to fix it

because i dont want to fix it

i like things the way they are

but somethings missing =\